It’s Friday; thank goodness, just in time. I had a couple of rough days this week, where I found myself yelling, which is a sign that I’m a bit stressed. There was just a little too much this week of school, activities, chores, kids with attitudes, laundry piles, iPods, constant cooking and cleaning, puke, my husband's deadlines and classes, popcorn on the carpet, toys and taking care of everyone’s needs.
Last night at dinner when one of my family members refused to eat the mashed potatoes I had made because they had carrots in them, and pulled away his plate as I was putting a spoonful on it, resulting in a mess, I got very upset. You see, here’s the deal:
1/ We’re at the end of our groceries supply, which means coming up with complete, healthy meals takes a bit of extra planning, time and effort. We didn’t even have enough potatoes to go with the frozen fish I found in the back of the freezer, so I thought I was being extra crafty, adding carrots to the mash.
2/ I’ve done a lot of work this week, as in ‘work for money,’ on top of teaching and the work I do at home, and for lots of reasons it was really difficult this week to combine everything.
3/ My body is constantly telling me to slow down or even stop, which makes me worried that it’s not going to last another six weeks, which in turn brings on all kinds of other worries about the baby, the birth, etc. I’m not usually a worrier, so the worry bothers me.
So, I yelled at everyone. I yelled about my efforts to provide everyone with clean clothes, an education, nutritious food, and a clean, safe place to live, and I yelled about how I am used to not receiving any appreciation, but how it takes me a LOT of extra effort to do all these things right now, and the I yelled that I would really like it, if everyone just stopped complaining and asking me for more.
I guess you can say I kind of threw a fit.
The sad thing is though, it wasn’t even a very good fit. Usually I make sure my fits are impressive, to guarantee their effectiveness in bringing on change. A perfect fit does not involve feelings and the actual words used are not memorable: it brings on change. If I throw a good fit about towels on the floor after showers, everyone remembers the fit after their next shower and hangs up their towel. Yesterday’s fit however, was more like a tired, emotional rant and I don’t think it actually made a difference. It wasn’t specific enough. It was a general “Everything is too much” capitulation to exhaustion - my little crowd of men however, who I know WANT to help out and do better, need specifics: directions, detailed commands, itemized lists and assigned tasks.
I will work on this over the weekend. Plus rest. Happy Friday!