Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween in Beirut, 2011

Since we are finally getting to know more people here in Beirut, and since we’ve pretty much settled into our apartment, we decided to throw a Halloween party this year. Our invitations went out very late, and it’s a busy time for most, but a nice group of people still came. Courtney made some really nice dishes: lamb curry and chicken curry with rice and mint-yogurt sauce, gravlax, a thai salad, a Turkish carrot and garlic dip; and I made quail eggs, vegetable dip, and Halloween punch with gummy worms and ice blocks the shape of a hand (very popular with the little ones). Courtney also made a lemon meringue pie and a black bottom pie, and people brought cookies, cakes and more sweets than we could ever eat. We had the sliding doors open with tables and chairs on the balcony - it was a perfect temperature outside – and the kids stayed at the playground until it closed. In general, a good first party in our new home!

Later today, the kids get to go on their very first real Trick or Treat. Obviously we never went out in Belgium (trick or treat’ing has just started picking up there over the past few years) or in Cairo. At the yearly Halloween party that the CAC organized in Cairo, the boys would walk through “Trick or Treat Lane” where high school kids would hand out candy to the kids from class room doors, but that is as close to trick or treat’ing as my kids have ever got. Today, AUB has announced an official Trick or Treat time, and the boys will walk around the campus houses (knocking on decorated doors only) wearing their Halloween costumes and bringing Trick or Treat bags.

Art morning

Finger paint: one of this homeschooling mother's least favorite crafting tools. But this boy loves it so, that sometimes I make myself go through the effort of cleaning up the post-fingerpaint disaster that always follows.

What do you think the chances are of our Middle Eastern finger paint being harmful if ingested? 50-50? I could tell from the face he made though when he got some in his mouth, that it doesn't taste good at all. So at least I know he will not be eating it on purpose.

Boys practicing Taekwondo kicks in the living room

How do you take pictures like this without them being blurry? I am still trying to figure it out.

This past week I broke down and got the boys a full set of Taekwondo equipment (pricey! but necessary) and they've been practicing punches and kicks ever since - mainly in the living room.

"What happens next?" you might ask. William is like a brick; doesn't move an inch!

Come October...

Since the move and since my mom got here, every moment of the day for the past few weeks have been filled with something: everything from intense school work and translation work, to treadmilling and enjoying a cooking show on television with my mom at the end of the day.

I think of life being pretty much the same regardless of where you live. No matter where your home is; exotic Singapore, healthy Edmunton, or the chaotic Middle East, your kids will still need clothed, fed, schooled, they’ll still get sick when you least need it, and you’ll still need to work to make a living (OK, at least most people), go grocery shopping, do the dishes, and laundry. I know this, because I myself have fallen asleep, exhausted after a hard week, on the couch on a Friday night in front of a movie in Sweden, Belgium, the US, Egypt and Lebanon. If we were to move to Asia or Australia, I’m pretty sure I would do the same thing there. I also know this, because when I talk to my friends around the world, through Facebook or by other means, they are all doing these things too. These are things that come with that which we call ‘life,’ regardless of where you live.

Of course there are slight variations in our everyday life: I can’t shop at ICA or Walmart so I get my food from a Saudi Arabian grocery store where the products are different, which has an impact on our everyday meals. I don’t think we would eat as much Middle Eastern food if we lived in Edmunton. And when I buy ham I chat with Hissam who asks me every time if I know of some Swedish girl who would like to marry him so that he could leave Lebanon. I’m not sure a grocer in Boston would ask me this. (Although he might ask me if I know any Swedish girls, come to think of it.)

Life is also slightly different because of the way we are compelled to do things, i.e. how you get your groceries and where you do your sports activities, but this, in my experience, doesn’t differ from country to country, but depends on where you live in relation to what you need. So even though we only moved a few blocks last month, our life has changed dramatically since then, and we have had to spend some time getting into new routines and find a new rhythm of life. This kind of thing takes time, but I feel like we are getting there. Let this blog post vouch for that.

October's little pleasures

Beach days...

My 10-year old son's birthday cake...

My new large kitchen with a view of the playground...

While I was not blogging...

20 days is a long time – even for me - to not post anything, not even a photo. I’m sorry. Everything else took over for a while here.

The week before our move from our apartment in Hamra to AUB campus, I got a big job that I simply could not turn down. I worked continuously for several days, just keeping up with the bare necessities. When the work was finished, the move took over our lives entirely. Packing is hard work, and organizing everything surrounding a move (even if it’s just within the same city) will consume your life entirely for as long as it takes. When the movers finally carried the last of our things into our new apartment, after nine hours of transferring furniture, boxes, and everything else from our old apartment to our new, a few tears of exhaustion and relief rolled down my cheeks. I knew then that my work was only half-way done, as unpacking and organizing can be quite a challenge as well, but I felt the hard part was done.

We’ve lived in our new apartment for a week now, and most of our things have been sorted through and put away. (It’s easier to do all this when the kids are safe and happy, playing at the playground outside our window.) We’ve returned the keys to our old apartment to the owner, and purchased a few things for our new place. The professor has started the new semester classes, the boys have resumed their schoolwork and we are all slowly getting used to the luxuries our new home provide. We all feel it is as if we have moved to Paradise. We have a home phone! And proper internet, cable television, and did I mention, we live right next to the playground? We have a water dispenser here, and Nestle delivers water once a week for almost nothing. We don’t have to turn on the electricity for the water heater two hours in advance every time we want to take a shower or wash the dishes. Or rather, we don’t have to take cold showers, because honestly, remembering this kind of thing takes a lot of energy and planning, and with a toddler who can go from sparkling clean to a disaster in less than five seconds, it’s not always possible at all to plan ahead like that. Most of all, we’re not paying an arm and a leg in rent. In fact, I think we’re paying about a third of what we did at our old place, which means we have money left over for other, more pleasant things. We are honestly a bit shocked about how thoroughly screwed over we were last year. We all thought last year was hard; this family’s dark ages, and although we are all currently exhausted – mentally (both the professor and I forgot important meetings and commitments this week, and I almost forgot about my mother’s arrival yesterday) and physically (sore feet!) – from these past tumultuous moving weeks, we realize the potential the upcoming academic year holds.

Moving week...

 I am a big disliker of messes and clutter: I love cabinets, shelves with neatly stacked boxes and containers, tidy storage units and clean, elegant table- and sidetable-tops with room for a candle or some flowers, and my teacup and book. In my home, I am content when there’s a special place for everything: Shoes in the shoe cabinet, books on shelves, pencils, erasers, rulers in a small box in a drawer, toys in baskets, photos in the Egyptian chest, papers in sorters, and electronics in the electronics cabinet. I am not a neat-freak, but I like… order. It makes me feel comfortable and happy.

Our apartment is currently a mess: along with half-unpacked suitcases and everything that came out of them, there are open, half-filled boxes everywhere. Every surface is cluttered with books, school material, computer cables, toys; but there’s no point in putting anything away because it all needs to get packed into a box over the next week anyways.

Having to look for a small unoccupied spot on the coffee table to put my tea cup down kills me, and seeing all our belongings laying around the house makes me feel at unease and a little nervous. I keep having to remind myself that soon, soon I will get to organize everything in our new apartment. Soon.

Flying Czech Airlines via Prague with children - never been worse

Is it because I’m getting older? Or is it because over the years, I’ve been accumulating young travel companions? Whatever the answer, flying seems harder and harder every time I do it.

This summer we didn’t even fly return to the US, but a meager 1,1 + 3,5 hours, with a one hour stop-over in Prague - from Lebanon to Denmark and back.

Checking in at Copenhagen airport is always comparatively easy, with short lines, helpful attendants, effective luggage- and security handling, and a wonderful children’s area. Every time I go through it, I wish I would run into the CEO so that I could give him or her an appreciative hug, and say “Thank you for thinking about me – nothing but a poor parent - and making my life a little easier!”

Once we leave Scandinavia, however, we are on our own. While the flying itself will be only slightly unpleasant (usually children will be occupied by food, sleep, or entertainment on the plane, and there isn’t really much that can go wrong), it is the queuing-part of a trip that will really kill any parent of young children. My youngest son, Abraham, is a very energetic two-year old, and like anyone his age, he does not like to wait in line. If he is put in a confined space to wait in line for a long time, he will eventually start to climb on the walls (literally), pull on the bands delineating the queuing area, try to run off, wander around, bother people, yell, or do whatever it is that people this age do when they get bored in small spaces.

Getting through check-in and security at Copenhagen airport and flying for a few hours is unpleasant, but not by any measures. In fact, all this would be all right – controllable - if Czech Airlines and Prague Airport weren’t so adamantly working against people traveling with young children.

Prague airport - which could be a quick, fun stop for us: off one plane, a play at the airport playground (which they have), and on board the next plane – is a long, queue-infested walk of terror. The Czech Republic – European Union – Schengen – WHOEVER it is – has turned a transfer at Prague airport into any parents’ nightmare.

As soon as you get off your first plane you have to stand in a no-line line to show your passport(s). People will be able to simply push their way past you and your children since there’s no system. If – when – you get past this, you have to walk through a transfer-transfer hall but to get to *your* transfer hall, you have to go through another passport control with often very long lines. To add insult to injury, on the way you will have to pass the airport playground and get through a tantrum - your child will SEE the fun playground and want to play but because of all the checks there’s no time to stop. The screaming will last you all the way to the next - seemingly random - security check. Really: why, oh why?! do they have to check our bags again when we are only transferring? We already went through this – in a much more efficient and pleasant way, may I add? – when we started our trip. In Prague, the lines will be extra long (because why keep more than one line open?), with no LEGO stops like in Copenhagen, and by the time you get to the actual security point, you will hold up the line trying to get your laptop out of your overfull bag with half a hand - while trying to contain a screaming and kicking toddler with all your might. (Try it. It’s hard.) Now, right after you don’t think things can get any worse (you’ve either dropped your laptop or your toddler at least twice) – the Czech security guards will be completely non-understanding and search you extra just for bringing kids – you’ll end up in a new, REALLY long line to go through boarding, with people consistently getting ahead of you in line. Because really; doesn’t everyone have boarding privileges over a mother with three young children? Czech Airlines rarely ever announce that people with children should board the plane first, and IF they do, they never enforce it. In fact, single people often push their way past people with children (because it’s easy – the parents are too busy keeping their kids in line under control to notice), and the attendants do nothing to discourage this. By the time you get on board, waiting in line behind every single passenger trying to fit their luggage in the over-head compartments, your children are beyond exhausted, at best.

Hint to all of you traveling without children who give me angry glances when my child is throwing a 30-decibel fit during take-off: IF YOU HAD LET ME ON THE PLANE FIRST, MY TIRED TODDLER WOULD HAVE GOT TO SETTLE IN AND FALLEN ASLEEP BEFORE TAKE-OFF, AND YOUR FLIGHT – EVERYONE’S FLIGHT - WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT!!

Did I mention one of my older boys threw up?

Sigh. It’s good to be home. No. More. Flying. For. A. While.

End of the summer...

I am sitting in my mother’s garden in southern Sweden. It’s windy, cloudy, but a comfortable temperature. I can hear the boys playing in the forest, enjoying their last week here. The days are getting shorter, the nights are colder, and it’s getting time for us to head back to our real life, in Lebanon. Work, school, sports activities, choir rehearsals, dinners, dishes, laundry, play dates, the beach, and everything else that is part of our life in Beirut awaits us. As does moving out of our beautiful apartment across from Idriss in Hamra, and into a great apartment on the AUB campus, into a community, right next to the playground.

I am well rested, almost a little weary of the quiet, slow and uneventful life here that I long for at times during the busy school year. I am ready for some action! Days filled with activities, work and fun, friends, and exciting new developments. I even look forward to moving. It is a lot of work but it will also make for a fun step in our life; socially, health-wise (we’ll have immediate access to the sports facilities), economically things will lighten up a bit, etc. Good things will come.

The heir to the throne is carrying an heir to the throne

You all know I'm secretly a bit of a royalist, so imagine my joy yesterday when I got to share the great news with the rest of the Swedish people: Crown Princess Victoria is pregnant!

Kids out of control...

The boys have been playing with kids here in the village where we’re staying in Sweden, and have made a few friends, which is great. The bikes I bought for the boys off Sweden’s version of the Craig’s List at the beginning of the summer have provided the boys with a lot of freedom. They bike around the village with other boys and can go to the school playground whenever they want, without me having to bring them. It’s our first summer with this kind of independence for the boys. They are big boys now and I trust them. I know that they know to be careful on the bikes, that they know how to behave at the playground and towards other children, and that they are nice to others and look out for each other.

What I have no influence over however - as I’ve come to realize – is how other children act. William was at the school playground playing soccer with a bunch of kids, and when he was getting ready to leave, putting his helmet on to bike home, a boy came up to him and threw a handful of wet sand straight into William’s eyes. Twice. Somehow he managed to bike home, and I heard his cries as he locked his bike outside. When he came inside his eyes were totally covered in sand and he was rubbing them ferociously, screaming from the pain. Courtney and I tried washing the sand out as best as we could with water. It’s an amazing creation, the body, and how fantastic its defense system actually is. Your eyes will produce very large amounts of phlegm to lump together and expel foreign objects. It took us a while, but by bedtime William had a fairly clean, albeit very sore eye. It was red and extremely sore for a couple of days. You could see the cornea was scratched. We gave him Ibuprofen and kept a close eye on it (no pun intended, ha ha). Finally, three days later, William’s eye is much better.

The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers; Reclaiming our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity: the run down

I like books by Dr. Phil. Yes, really. And this book by Meg Meeker reminded me of Dr. Phil’s books. I assume a lot of you will disagree, but I don’t often appreciate these kinds of books. I don’t read a lot of books like this and admit my experience is limited, but from a handful authors (most writing on family, children or education), I have to say that the best I’ve encountered so far is Dr. Phil. Meg Meeker – or to make you even more upset, should I call her Dr. Meg? – gives sound and straightforward advice. She has a very clear idea that she presents, and it’s logical, kind, and good advice. It stems from natural back-to-basics gut feelings combined with scientific evidence and Christian morals (in the good sense). I know, that’s a mouthful of a theory – but it works.

Dr. Meeker suggests that we will become better mothers, wives and persons if we can create ten habits:

1. Understand your value as a mother: it doesn’t matter if you are fat, unemployed, poor; you are valuable!

This was a great chapter to open up the book with. Why are we so afraid of feeling good about ourselves? Why should we not be proud of who we are and what we accomplish?

2. Maintain key friendships: friends are good – they empower you, make you feel better, help you, and make your life happier.

This chapter made me thoughtful and a bit sad. In theory I think the author is right, however as an expat homeschooling mother, I don’t currently have any “inner circle” friends – I really can’t - in the sense that Dr. Meeker presents, and I’m feeling the loss. I do have really close friends, friends for life that were at some point that kind of friends, but now they all live far away, and although I know they are always there for me, it can be in spirit only. If something happened and I needed urgent physical help from a friend (and it couldn’t be my husband), I wouldn’t know who to call. I had close friends in school, close friends in college, and great friends in Belgium. I made some great friends in Cairo over the three years that we lived there. I’ve managed to make friends in Lebanon – I’ve met some great women - but I haven’t (yet) made friends like that. This takes time. Finding good friends is hard, and making great friends takes a lot of investment – time and emotional effort. After x number of painful good-byes, and knowing that we are not in Lebanon to stay, it’s particularly difficult.

3. Value and practice faith: you need to believe in something good; be it God, the goodness of mankind or Allah. Faith, hope, and love are essential to our existence.

I don’t spend enough time exploring my faith. Do you?

4. Say no to competition: if you are constantly comparing yourself with other people, you will never be able to feel quite content about yourself, you will feel unsatisfied, jealous, and you will have trouble developing good friendships. Accept yourself for who you are, be happy for others, and you will be happier.

This chapter pointed out something I haven’t thought about a lot: how we compare ourselves to others, and obscurely turn what is good about someone else into something bad about ourselves. As Dr. Meeker points out, sometimes this bad feeling even turns into jealousy. Elizabeth Foss discusses reading blogs, and says:


"I think that blogs, for all their good and for all the community they foster, are particularly detrimental to helping women stop comparing. It's so easy to compare when it pops up right in front of you day after day.

Here's the thing: most bloggers sweep some powder across their noses and put on a little lipstick before they open their virtual doors. Even when we're honest about our bad days, most of us are conscious about how appropriate it is to put things in print. If the blogger comes from a print journalism background, even  more so. She understands the power of the written word and she's inclined to be prudent. We put on our company manners so to speak."

I thought about this issue as well when I read this chapter. I read a few blogs written by homeschooling mothers, writers, and although I find a lot of inspiration in their writings, it sometimes makes me feel bad to read about all the amazing activities, look at the beautiful pictures and find out about all the amazing things that happen in their lives. What is wrong with me who did not come up with all these fantastic, creative things to do with my family? Why haven’t I worked harder to find time to write like these mothers do and publish my work? I should have written several books by now! Why don’t I knit beautiful sweaters, teach yoga, take my daughters to ballet every day (if I had daughters), organize trips, finish my dissertation, run 10k every morning, bake beautiful cakes and all our bread, build a science lab in my kitchen, spend more time on teaching the boys music, pray and meditate more, and keep up with all the cool stuff on the internet? Clearly, there is something wrong with me; I must be lazy and stupid.

5. The money issue: money can never buy you complete security, or love, or certainty that your kids will turn out well. For these things, you need something else: your faith, hope and love, your time and effort.

Well. I can’t say this is one of our problems because we don’t have any extra money to spend on our children, and since there’s no option, we don’t feel bad – we just can’t. I can see how this would be a problem in a lot of families though, and especially here in Sweden it seems children have *everything*, yet they don’t seem more happy or closer to their parents.

6. Make time for solitude: we all need to think and spend some honest time with ourselves. It makes us stronger as persons and as social creatures.

I’m one of the mother’s who would say, “I don’t even have time to do things I LIKE – why would I try to set aside time to do something as boring as NOTHING?!” However I will give this a chance over the next month. I do feel like sometimes I need a break, if only for a few minutes.

7. Give and get love in healthy ways: Love your kids, your family and friends for who they are, unconditionally, and show it. Accept your loved ones the way they are, but don’t take no shit! “Nothing is tougher than loving well.”

My children are still young, and I have yet to experience the problems that seem to come with puberty. I am thankful that we have these early years to build up a good, healthy and loving relationship. Dr. Sears writes more about this topic in his Discipline Book.

8. Find ways to live simply: Don’t let life get ahead of you. Figure out what is important to you and live by it.

I found this chapter very helpful as well. There are so many things I still want with my life, things I am trying to do, and it is easy to lose track of what is important. Making a list of priorities when things get out of hand is a great idea.

9. Let go of fear: Don’t worry so much. You can’t control everything.

Hard for any mother. This chapter made me think of the time that William’s side was cut open by a sharp spinning nail at an ancient playground along the desert road Cairo-Alexandria. I remember how I felt when I looked at the wound and quickly concluded that this was something I could not fix by myself. I needed a hospital with a doctor, shots, suture kits, bandages. I was in the middle of the Egyptian desert, my boy was severely hurt, and I could not help him – I didn’t even know how to start helping him. Asking for help and receiving it was luckily not difficult, however the feeling I felt the moment I saw my baby so badly hurt, the complete loss of control, was a bit of a shock. (You can read the whole story here.)

10. Hope is a decision – so make it! Appreciate what you have, have faith in yourself and others, and expect good things to come.

I think I can, I think I can. I have so much to be thankful for. A.J. Jacobs works for Esquire and is the author of a couple of funny, witty and interesting books, all of which I have read (I just finished My Life As An Experiment). One of the books is The Year of Living Biblically. He said after his year of living according to the Torah and the Bible that one major impact it had on his life is that he is much more thankful; thankful for the great things in his life as well as little things. I think this ties in with the first chapter of Dr. Meeker’s book: we need to think about what is good, expect good to come, and if we do, we will be happier.

1 Corinthians 13:13: “So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

My summer boys...

Swedish Crayfish Party!