Not a good fit

It’s Friday; thank goodness, just in time. I had a couple of rough days this week, where I found myself yelling, which is a sign that I’m a bit stressed. There was just a little too much this week of school, activities, chores, kids with attitudes, laundry piles, iPods, constant cooking and cleaning, puke, my husband's deadlines and classes, popcorn on the carpet, toys and taking care of everyone’s needs.

Last night at dinner when one of my family members refused to eat the mashed potatoes I had made because they had carrots in them, and pulled away his plate as I was putting a spoonful on it, resulting in a mess, I got very upset. You see, here’s the deal: 

1/ We’re at the end of our groceries supply, which means coming up with complete, healthy meals takes a bit of extra planning, time and effort. We didn’t even have enough potatoes to go with the frozen fish I found in the back of the freezer, so I thought I was being extra crafty, adding carrots to the mash. 

2/ I’ve done a lot of work this week, as in ‘work for money,’ on top of teaching and the work I do at home, and for lots of reasons it was really difficult this week to combine everything. 

3/ My body is constantly telling me to slow down or even stop, which makes me worried that it’s not going to last another six weeks, which in turn brings on all kinds of other worries about the baby, the birth, etc. I’m not usually a worrier, so the worry bothers me.

So, I yelled at everyone. I yelled about my efforts to provide everyone with clean clothes, an education, nutritious food, and a clean, safe place to live, and I yelled about how I am used to not receiving any appreciation, but how it takes me a LOT of extra effort to do all these things right now, and the I yelled that I would really like it, if everyone just stopped complaining and asking me for more.

I guess you can say I kind of threw a fit.

The sad thing is though, it wasn’t even a very good fit. Usually I make sure my fits are impressive, to guarantee their effectiveness in bringing on change. A perfect fit does not involve feelings and the actual words used are not memorable: it brings on change. If I throw a good fit about towels on the floor after showers, everyone remembers the fit after their next shower and hangs up their towel. Yesterday’s fit however, was more like a tired, emotional rant and I don’t think it actually made a difference. It wasn’t specific enough. It was a general “Everything is too much” capitulation to exhaustion - my little crowd of men however, who I know WANT to help out and do better, need specifics: directions, detailed commands, itemized lists and assigned tasks. 

I will work on this over the weekend. Plus rest. Happy Friday!

Really, I don't know how I do it

Well, well, well, what do you know? I miraculously finished my job today, even though my screen was 2/3 covered by an (almost) four-year old seeking my attention the entire time. How good are you at getting serious work done while a little boy is holding up a string in your face, asking you over and over again to “turn it into a unicorn?” Have someone do that to you while you try to look up a complicated term in a medical dictionary. It's hard, and I rock at it. I can puzzle, create amazing LEGO constructions, find magic, read stories and serve snacks while translating “Congenital ocular anomaly.” I wonder if my employer would pay me extra if he knew the circumstances under which I do my work. Is there an award?

Anyways, here we are. Done. And there is not vomit anywhere that needs to be wiped up (as far as I know), there are sheets on the beds, everyone has been fed, and the kids are clothed and alive.

OK, they are wearing weird clothes because the laundry never got sorted, but – technically – you know, they are not naked.

The kitchen is still a mess though, and go figure; my hair still smells like vomit and I’m more exhausted than ever. But I think I have deserved a break, and will shower and clean the kitchen and house in the morning. 

A book and sleep, here I come.

Sunday, pukey Sunday

Remember that job I accepted on Friday? I didn’t really work on it yesterday because I had several errands that I needed to run, some chores that I couldn’t put off, and a couple of other things to get out of the way, and “besides,” I thought, “I have all of Sunday to work. And if I can’t get it all done in one day, I can still work a bit on Monday.”

Jinxed!

I spent most of last night cleaning up puke – 1 am, 2 am, and 5 am vomits are the worst - and fetching my (almost) four year old water and clean clothes. It seems that Abraham’s cold isn’t really just a little cold, but some kind of flu. This morning he got up- really, really hungry and thirsty - and downed a big cup of milk, which he immediately proceeded to throw up all over the dining room table. Then he wanted popcorn. I made him some toast and told him that if he could keep it down, he could have some popcorn later. After two pieces of toast he had a big drink of water, and then two slices of bacon. After cleaning him up and feeding him I started on the laundry generated throughout the night and sat down with this cup of tea.

Status report:

• I’m exhausted.
• It’s only 10:30 am.
• I have a messy kitchen, beds with no sheets, and a little boy on the couch grasping a bucket while asking for popcorn.
• The older boys haven’t had breakfast yet.
• Will I ever make it to Mass again?
• It’s Sunday indeed, and I need to start on my work.
• I can’t get my brain to wake up.
• I just looked in my calendar and realized why I decided to finish my work this weekend: beginning of next week is crazy!
• This baby will not stop moving and kicking!
• Prof. Husband has a deadline and is in his own world. He will act on command, but is not much help beyond that.
• My hair smells like vomit.

Our homeschool day in the life (with an -almost- 4-, 9- and 11 year old)

Jamie Martin over at Simple Homeschool is inviting fellow homeschoolers to share their day today, and since I enjoyed reading about other homeschooling families' days so much, I decided to create such a post myself. 

I am usually very organized when it comes to the boys’ school work, with detailed curricula, date and day planners, schedules and to-do lists. Our regular schedule looks like this:

Breakfast, chores and special reading in the early morning, followed by Math, English, French and Latin. Then lunch and reading (or sometimes an educational movie), and History or Science in the afternoon (except Fridays, which is our wrap-up-day). The boys play with friends outside between 3:30-5:30 pm, then practice their instruments, we have dinner, and then they have either sports activities or music lessons, or both. They finish off the day with more chores, and 1-2 hours of reading in bed. On Friday evenings and during weekends we do arts, more sports and special history or science projects.

Most days lately though, if you were to spend the day with us, with our schedule in hand, you would be - at best - a little confused. Subjects and time is all out of whack! It seems that four out of five days each week over the past months have entailed something extra; a doctor’s visit, meetings, special errands, trips, etc. Not only is this a bit disruptive and kind of exhausting, but because it seems like we never get everything done, I feel guilty (“If they were going to school they would be studying hard right now instead of laying puzzles and reading stories to the (almost) four-year old while I’m at my prenatal appointment.”) and stressed (“What if the baby is born and they haven’t finished their Latin program?! At this rate, they will not finish their Math program by the time we leave for the US this summer!”).

However, every time I’ve reviewed the boys’ work and tracked their progress this year, I’ve found that they are right on schedule. I really don’t know how this is possible, but it seems that sometime between Taekwondo tests, concerts, visits, special dinners, ski-trips, and ultrasounds, the boys have managed to keep up with their work.

Today was a more normal Friday than usual. The only distraction was a sick (almost) four-year old, which I’m sure all of you know means more attention and care.

8 am – My alarm goes off. On any other day I would be up already, but I’m always extra sleepy towards the end of the week, and especially now since the baby wakes me up at night, wiggling and jumping around in my belly. I stay in bed for a while with Abraham who is sleeping between me and my husband.

8:30 am The boys do chores, read and have breakfast. I set Abraham up with breakfast, and then I have breakfast while I respond to e-mails and work a bit.

9:30 am I set our sick Abraham up with a movie, a blanket and a drink on the couch. The big boys do their English (grammar, spelling, writing) and Saxon Math – I help my fourth grader since he has a special lesson today (an “Investigation”). When they are done they go over their Latin and then sit down with their Rosetta Stone language programs in their rooms. I finish my work for the morning, clean up around the house, put a laundry in, chat with my husband who then goes off to teach, and make lunch together with Abraham.

12:30 pm Lunch and a short reading session

1 pm Since Friday is our wrap-up-day (the afternoon is for completing history, science or English projects, or anything else that didn’t get finished during the week) and the boys still have to do their weekly science assignment, they sit down with this. I give Abraham a peppermint bath and sit down to work. After science is done, the boys practice their instruments and play with Abraham for a while, before going out to play with friends. Usually I would take Abraham out now, to play with his friends,  or we would do a baking project, but since he’s sick, we stay in and play puzzles and magnets.

4:30 pm Prof. Husband comes home from teaching and meetings and we prepare dinner together. Abraham plays a game on the iPad and has a snack. The bath seems to have cleared out his airways a bit. While dinner is cooking I finish and send in my work for the day. I accept a new job, due Monday. It will require about 5 hours of work, which I can do over the weekend. I also go over the work that the boys did this week and arrange their books in the school room.

6 pm Dinner – the entire family sits down to dinner together and we like to linger. Courtney discusses the science project with the boys. Then everyone helps with the clean-up.

6:45 pm We all sit down in the living room with books, music and electronics (iPods and iPad), and Prof. Husband watches TV for a while. I check my social media, read the news and reach for a book.

7 pm Prof. Husband sits down to work and I think about finishing the laundry, but decide I’m too tired and swollen and stay with my feet up on the couch instead, reading. On any other night I would be directing the boys to their activities or attend choir/a social event, but we try not to schedule anything on Friday evenings, and it’s the only day of the week where we don’t have any sports/music/or other activities scheduled. After a while, the boys and I watch a movie together.

9 pm The boys all brush their teeth, put on pajamas, and lay down in their beds to read. I help Abraham get ready for bed, and then August reads to Abraham for about 40 min. Then I lay down with him and he falls asleep while I read.

10 pm The older boys fall asleep. If I haven’t fallen asleep while laying down with Abraham, I spend some time with my husband before going to bed. Since today is Friday, we watch a new episode of Grey’s Anatomy together.

Spring semester of 2013 - begin!

I’m having a cup of (decaf) tea after having sent the (almost) four year old off on a play date for the day. It’s the calm before the storm. Today, the second part of the academic year 2012-2013 starts at AUB, and we are faced with a new semester, new schedules and new challenges.

Prof. Husband was planning out his classes yesterday, and I helped him with scheduling (because I am the only one of us who owns a calendar). At a certain point he looked at me and asked in earnest, “So… When is the baby coming again?” and added that he would probably want to take a few days off for that, maybe a week. I don’t think the university grants any kind of paternity leave, but he can certainly schedule and reschedule classes to make room for the birth. Of course, we don’t really know exactly when the baby will come. If there are no complications, it will be the first week of April, but at this point, there are so many uncertainties that I’d rather not speculate.

In the meantime, we’re starting off this first week of the new semester with a typical Monday morning: the little one is off on a play date, I’m taking the oldest one to the doctor, our fourth grader is getting ready to take a science test, and Prof. Husband is teaching a new class this morning.

In the afternoon we’ll all switch around. Like musical chairs.

Happy Spring of 2013.

A not so academic week

There we are: we’re finishing up our first week of school this year, and I can without a doubt say that it was an absolute disaster. The boys got nearly no regular academic work done, and we were not a very productive family in other ways either. I could blame it on the fact that all public and private schools in Lebanon were closed for most of this week due to an order by the minister of education (because of the “storm,” which practically was over on Monday), which left all of my little students’ friends calling us all day to ask if the boys could come out and play, but I don’t think that was the only reason. My own lack of motivation, or rather, focus, is also a culprit, I’m sure, since I usually at any time can whip up this family to do the most unpleasant things.

It’s like I needed a couple of days to just… I’m not sure. What did I actually do? A lot of laundry, including washing all of our baby clothes and putting them in the dresser. Yes, we rearranged the rooms, and sorted through approximately half of the toys. Now our 11-year old is sharing a room (which is completely arranged and set up with a play area and all) with the (almost) four year old, and the nine year old has a bedroom (which still needs some work) to himself. The master bedroom has been prepared for baby arrival (short of the co-sleeper, which we will assemble closer to the birth) and looks great, with plenty of space for… well, I was thinking laundry, maybe a diaper changing area. When my dear husband came in and saw what I had done however, his whole face lit up, and he exclaimed with joy, “Oh honey! Did you create this space for a new flat screen TV?” Ha, ha, ha. Not a chance.

I also, finally, got the whole family off to the grocery store for a big shopping (where my husband spent most of the time eyeing the flat screen TVs), and we did spend a lot of time practicing instruments, having music lessons, discussing and reading Thomas Aquinas, whipping up chemistry experiments, and I worked a bunch of hours.

Suddenly a whole week has passed, and today, the boys and I are going away for a long weekend in the mountains with friends, to spend a few days skiing/sledding/playing in the snow. The kids are so excited! Since my OBGyn ordered me not to ski, I’m thinking I’ll feel a little like a kid in a candy store, with no chance of getting any candy, but I know the fresh air and the beautiful setting will get me going. My motivation is growing stronger by the minute just thinking about it, actually, and I will be back on Monday, impetus style!

Three months to go

Right. We have another great event coming up this spring, of course: the birth and welcoming of our new baby. It seems he can’t come soon enough. As you might or might not have gathered, I’m going through a rough pregnancy. Also, I can’t wait to meet this baby, whose little head, which rests so snug to the top left of my belly button, I touch every day, and whose strong kicks keep me up at night. However, at the same time he will be here too soon, because I feel overwhelmed by all that I need to - and want to - have done before he comes.

Before his arrival, we need to rearrange the bedrooms and sleeping arrangements, to get Abraham and his bed out of our bedroom and into one of the older boys’ rooms. This entails rearranging toys, dressers and furniture in general, etc. Once that is done, I can start trying to find our baby clothes and gear stored away in a box somewhere, wash everything and sort it into one of the dressers, buy diapers and wipes and assemble the co-sleeper and set it up. I also have an extensive, thorough cleaning of the house in mind, which – apart from scrubbing every inch of the house - would include sorting out the storage closet (a great enterprise by itself, believe me!), arranging and deep cleaning the kitchen (it’s a bit of a mess with very little organizational thought behind the shelf arrangements), arrange our closets and bookshelf, wash carpets, couches, etc. to make sure our house is as baby-friendly as possible.

And then there’s the actual birth. I had such a horrible case in Cairo, Egypt, that even though I’m experienced when it comes to c-sections (three down, one to go), I’m feeling a bit anxious about the whole thing. I still have time, of course, but at some point, you know… I will have to start preparing myself mentally, physically and make arrangements.

On top of all this, I would like to do some traveling, get the boys far ahead in their schoolwork, AND get as much extra work in as possible to make up for the postpartum period when I probably won’t be able to work a lot. Of course, there’s everything else too that I have to do, like, normal, everyday things… I know. Wow, right?

Three months. You think I can do it?

End of the work week round-up

Guess what I’ve been busying myself with? That’s right; lots of work. And then the regular school work of course, house work (except for laundry, which I’ve successfully ignored all week, resulting in everyone looking a little… odd, at the store today), the 3-year old, social commitments, and everything else that usually takes up my days. I tried to focus extra on every boy one day each this week, and although I’m not sure it will always work, it was a good strategic move, well needed at this time. August got a good shove in English and Latin, as did William actually, and Abraham, who often is left to work or play by himself while I work with the older boys (and then acts accordingly, that is, he turns into an attention-seeking, mischievous, stubborn out-of-tune-with-mama nightmare preschooler), got an entire day filled with exciting activities and special, stimulating time with mama. This last day was in fact the best invested hours I’ve spent in a long time. He turned into a little angel, and tonight’s bedtime was a breeze.

We lasted the whole week – 7 days exactly – on the $140-shopping we did last week. It’s wasn’t impossible, albeit a bit time consuming and arduous, since making the kind of food from scratch that you end up cooking when money is short, takes time and produces a lot of dishes (as does trying to brush out my hair without conditioner, ha ha).

Today we went to Spinneys armed with our new bank cards, and bought food for a couple of weeks, plus all those things we were holding back on last time; cereal, bread (despite this fact: the problem with making your own bread for a while, is that you realize how much tastier fresh home baked bread is than store bought) hot dogs, sandwich meat, condiments, foil, nuts, coconuts (yes, my boys not only look a little odd sometimes, but also have some peculiar favorite foods), conditioner (yes!), fabric softener, tortillas, sea food, etc.

We’re armed for a good weekend filled with some work, rest, exercise, and fun.

Sometimes you speed up without noticing

I finished my present work this afternoon. Early - the delivery is not due until tomorrow afternoon, or as the people I work with call it, Tomorrow EOB (= End Of Business). There was no indication I wouldn’t need every minute of my time, however I’ve been very focused and suddenly, there it was; finished. This meant I could spend the rest of today recuperating, taking care of the house, check my planner, and prepare for the rest of the week.

Yesterday morning when we discussed our plans for the week, I told the boys that I would have to rely on them working independently Monday through Wednesday (which is enough work for them but not exceptionally challenging), but now I can surprise them tomorrow morning with the launch of an extensive Viking project, involving essays, presentations, map work, crafts and a lot of reading. 

They’ll never know what hit them!

Continuously nearly falling off the line

It’s really storming again today: heavy rain, thunder, lightning; I’m constantly being thrown off line, which is very bad, since this entire day was a working day for me. As I do this specific project through a remote desktop server, my work has been lost and then recovered again more times than I can count since this morning, and I haven’t got even half the work done that I was supposed to today. I still have a couple of days left before the deadline, but I was hoping to have the bulk of my work done this weekend, so that I could focus on the boys’ schoolwork this week. Now I’ll have to work Monday and Tuesday while the boys get through their basic work, and all the big history, science, and other projects, like special papers or writing assignments, will have to be done towards the end of the week, leaving no time for review.

Sigh. How come balancing motherhood and homeschooling with a professional life never feels composed? 

Oh, what a day!

For various reasons, including remote server and program problems beyond my power, I’m way behind on the big work project I’m in the middle of – or that I’m supposed to be in the middle of, but that I, in reality, am just starting to get into – and I needed to really, really just spend the entire day today working. 

But then the morning was a big chaotic mess because Abraham had an accident in his bed, and then we all got swiped away by the election frenzy - by the time I started looking around the house to start the day, we were half way through the morning, the boys were getting hungry and I realized there was no food. So I made a shopping list and summoned everyone to a shopping round. By now though, my dear husband had fallen sound asleep after having stayed up most of the night watching the election coverage, and he was out of commission. I refused to go to the store alone since we needed so much [and I really just needed to work] – we’re even out of those items that virtually never run out, like emergency UHT milk and bread crumbs – I found some left-overs to feed the boys for lunch instead, putting off the shopping. After their meal I had to help the boys with their school work, spend some time with the 3-year old, and clean up. I might or might not have attempted to start my work. Mid-afternoon the little one started climbing the walls, so I asked the boys, who by the way only made one mistake each on their math assignments today (Hurrah! – Maybe trauma was the way to go?) to take him out to the park for a little while, until our piano teacher was due to arrive at 4 pm.

When they left I sat down in front of my computer; finally, work!

I was just getting into it when I heard loud banging on our front door, and screaming in the hallway. When I answered the door I saw blood – Oh my gosh, there was so much blood! – streaming out of August’s mouth, seeping through his fingers that he was using to cover his red, panic-stricken face. His mouth was just a big blood-covered mess. To the sink and cold water, ice pack, towels – lots and lots of towels; do you have any idea how much a mouth can bleed?! – then to the couch, comforting and trying to calm August down enough so that we could assess the damage. His pants were covered in blood. “Are your teeth OK? Can you feel if your teeth are hurt?” Praying. Everything is there; his teeth are intact, thank God! His head is fine, except there’s a deep cut in his lip.

He had run too close behind the swings, and a boy’s foot had hit him in the chin, which made him pierce his lip with one of his “fangs” (he has really sharp teeth on the sides).

I’ve been in this situation several times now: do we go to the ER or not? Does he need stitches? Is it a real emergency situation? It was really hard to see because of all the blood and swelling.

At this point our poor piano teacher shows up and I’m thinking “Oh my, what are we going to do now?” when August insists on having his lesson. Maybe it will help him calm down, I think, so they went ahead. 

In the meantime I made dinner: a pack of fish sticks and some white fish from the back of the freezer, along with some odd potatoes, carrots and cauliflower that were left in the vegetable box in the fridge. 

When dinner was ready and August finished with his lesson, it was time for me to go to choir, but by now the swelling in August’s lip had gone down a bit, and it was easier to see the damage. Both Courtney and I agreed that the cut indeed was something a medical doctor should have a look at. It was still bleeding and just really, really deep.

So off we went. The usual drill: triage, cashier’s office (where they always ask me the same questions, “Are you Courtney? What is your father’s name? Who is Abraham? – They always ask this; I’m thinking there’s some kind of attachment to our file requiring them to ask about an “Abraham” every time we show up. – is this your daughter August? Why does it say he is a girl in your records? etc.), then the actual ER. It was all over fairly quickly and without much waiting or pain. Because the cut is exclusively in his lip, the surgeon explained, they will not sew. It should heal by itself. Keep it clean. A nurse administered a tetanus shot, and we were on our way. I went to choir and August went home.

After choir I put the boys to bed, and cleaned up after dinner. August had some Ibuprofen for the pain, and William read to Abraham. There I was, past 10 pm, with hours and hours of work left to do, and still no groceries in the house. How?!

For the first time in a very long time I thought “I could really use a drink.” Normally I might have had something, because I do drink - not excessively and not all the time of course, but I really enjoy especially Italian wines - or if the mood is right, gin & tonic or a margarita. Oh, and Galliano. However, naturally, when I’m pregnant or nursing an infant, I can’t, and especially when I’m pregnant, I even have a bit of an aversion to alcohol, so it wasn’t a real craving, but an idea about a certain situation. You know, like in the movies, when people say, “Gosh, I could really use a drink.”

I made some soothing chamomile tea with honey, plopped down on the couch, and sitting absolutely still, I could feel the baby kicking and tumbling inside my body. What a treat. Sigh. 

Everyone’s fine. We all got through today. August’s teeth are intact, and he’s going to be OK. We’ll go grocery shopping tomorrow, and I’ll work tomorrow. Thank you Lord, for watching over us.

Because sometimes it's nice to just be alone

Yesterday I went out to run errands, alone. Why does this warrant a blog post? I’ll tell you!

Usually when I run errands, Abraham comes with me, because every time I get ready to go somewhere, he’ll say “I really, really want to come!” or my dear husband has some odd errand that he needs to run and since he hates going out alone, he asks if he can come. Often I end up with both of them.

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my husband and children. Since we homeschool, I see my kids most of every day, and since my husband works mainly from home, I usually see him most of every day as well. In addition, we all enjoy doing things together, as you might have noticed, and a lot of our spare time activities involve the entire family.

So maybe I enjoy going out alone sometimes; just me, my thoughts and my list. I get through everything more efficiently; there’s nobody holding my hand, walking with a sluggish pace and stopping to look at everything, and there’s nobody asking to go to Starbucks for coffee or stop to browse for electronics we have no intention of purchasing at Virgin. Also, I can go off and rummage through the clothing piles at Eldorado for a few minutes, without anyone sighing from boredom, or chat for an extra minute with the man at the fabric shop.

Yesterday I did both, plus everything else on my list (or sort of, a couple of the things I couldn’t finish: the optician wasn’t in so I couldn’t get my new prescription, and I really didn’t see a candelabra that I liked/could afford). I was only out for less than two hours, but it was quite invigorating. I even stopped to have a snack (yes, when you’re pregnant a small cheese burger is a “snack”) and enjoyed eating it on the go, alone, without having to wipe someone else’s mouth or hear complaints about the lack of nutritional value in McDonald’s food. 

It was a good and well needed break.

Post busy week stress disorder

Yes, I’m here. I survived this past busy week. Imagine that. And no children, electronics and very few adults were injured in the process.

I finished two big jobs, all the while putting three meals a day on the table and serving snacks in between, keeping the house clean, laundry done, keeping up with our extracurricular and social commitments, and home schooling the kids, including the energetic three-year old. I even managed to throw a fantastic birthday party for my – now – 11 year old boy, with cake, an organized scavenger hunt, prizes, pizza and all.

Yay!

It wasn’t the smoothest week – we might not have done as much history work as I would have liked, and the boys couldn’t do their languages because daddy took the computer that has the Rosetta Stone on it with him to Italy - but we managed. 

It might also not have been a super fun week, or at least not until we got to Friday – party day. At some point, William complained, “Every day is just the same this week! Wake up, eat breakfast, school, lunch, more school, play with our friends, taekwondo, dinner, clean up, read and go to bed. Always the same, day in and day out! I worked so hard ALL week doing all this, and I’m tired of it!” The rant was a little unjustified if you ask me. “Eh, William,” I said, “it’s Tuesday! It has only been TWO days, AND,” I reminded him, “we spent an entire day this past weekend in Achrafyie at your friends’ house, having loads of fun. PLUS Friday we’re celebrating your brother’s birthday.”

Towards the end of the week, Prof. Husband came home from his trip - still really busy with finishing his book manuscript, but home, and my pay check came in. From there on, we were home free.

Or so I thought.

After the party of Friday I collapsed with a really sore throat and a fever, and the next day a bad cold with all that it entails. Snivel. I to cancel all weekend commitments. 

I had a sore throat about a month ago, but it never got really bad. I rested for a day and it went away. This time I’m actually sick; like sick enough to see the house deteriorate around me and not having the energy to do anything about it. There’s a mountain of dirty laundry in the laundry room, and all the rest of our clothes, clean, are piled up on Abraham’s bed, unfolded in a mess. We’re out of most anything, from bread and juice to vegetables and fruit, the boys’ taekwondo belts need new stripes sewed onto them, there are toys and books and CDs everywhere, and don’t even get me started on my grand fall decoration craft plans that are rotting in a bag somewhere. Literally.

Good news is, I don't have a job that I have to finish, so I can just take it easy and take care of myself. Also, the boys are doing a good job helping more around the house. And I think I'm getting better.

Knock on wood!

The focus of this past week was – not blogging, that’s for sure! Ha, ha! – getting the boys’ schooling going properly. We have now added all subjects and are running a full curriculum five days/week, full days. Math, English, and French in the morning, Science or history, Latin and Music in the afternoon, Logic and Art or Taekwondo practice in the evenings. It’s working! I mean, we have a working schedule, and the boys are studying, learning, thinking, reading, writing and creating.

Even Abraham - my energetic three-year old - has a schedule: a number in the morning, a letter in the afternoon, and art in the evening. He also likes to listen to the science lessons, and he never wants to miss his two Magic Schoolbus episodes/day (for when I need that special one-on-one time with the older boys).

When I say it’s working, I mean it’s all more-or-less working: Prof. Husband is managing his job well, we have food in the fridge, dinner on the table in the evenings, a clean kitchen by the time we go to bed, and clean clothes (that still need to be folded and put away though – I didn’t say I was super-mom!). I even managed to squeeze in a few hours of work this week without hurting anyone. Ha, huh?

OK, the house is a bit of a disaster at the end of the week, but nothing a little weekend cleaning can’t manage.

Knock on wood!

Slow school start... Bah.

Sigh. I always feel like this at the end of the school first week: like we got NOTHING done at all. All these grand lesson plans and syllabi, and five days – F.I.V.E. DAYS! – into the school year, we have barely managed to get started. Why is it always so difficult to get back into it?

Someone asked me, “But why do you take a long break like that? You don’t have to, and if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have the problem of having to get back into a school routine again.” But I do – I do have to. I need that break, and I need the change of rhythm. I need to be able to just work for a while, without having to juggle school work at the same time, and I need to do something completely different, like travel, spend time at the beach, read books just for fun, organize the house, sort and refuel in other possible ways. So no, I will not give up that long break.

Perhaps instead of stressing out about all this though, I will turn this school start into what a friend and fellow homeschooler called “stagger.” I will re-strategize and allow us to start a little at a time. Then it would be totally OK if we only got going on our math, English and French programs this week, right? Next week we’ll add additional subjects (all the boys' sports activities start back up as well next week), and the week after that, all the rest of our work (by then we’ll have all our material, so that works out). Eventually we’ll be in full roll, all the same - but without the stress. Good?

Ready for another academic year!

I’m alive and well, thank you. No hospital visits or IV’s recently. No illnesses or accidents.

Because of the delay I talked about here though, and since my mother arrived for a longer visit last week, AND it turns out the other schools here don’t start until 3 September, I decided to postpone our school start until after this weekend. Good decision. Without too much effort, I’ve spent this extra week writing out our curriculum, syllabi, ordered books and other material, caught up on work, organizing the house, stocking up on food, spending some time with friends, and getting the kids  ready to start working again.

The only thing we haven’t managed is better our sleeping. We still go to bed late and sleep late. I know I need to wake the boys up earlier, but since they go to bed so late, I end up staying up really late to get that special time for myself after bedtime, and then I’m too tired to wake up early in the morning. It’s a vicious cycle that I need to break.

Oh, right, and we’re still waiting for our books to arrive. We're going to have to start with what we have though, since the books will not be here until 18 September.

But other than that, I think we’re ready.

When current social media makes you feel inadequate

Related to my post on Pinterest the other week...

One bad day

Last week I took on a job that I probably shouldn’t have. I knew the end of last week and the weekend were going to be busy, but I figured I could probably squeeze in enough hours to get the work done. Then suddenly Sunday came along, and I had too much work left. I worked all day and all night, until 3:10 am, to get it sent off in time. I didn’t do a very good editing job, but I knew there would be an editor. At least I got the project finished in time.

Today I got the review back, and the editor wrote about me to the project manager, “...the translator shows an immense lack of respect for […] writing rules” and, “…he/she has no knowledge whatsoever of […] punctuation rules and poor knowledge of proper grammar.” I looked over the changes that had been made, and although there were more mistakes there than there should have been, there certainly were not enough to warrant this kind of assault. (You’re just going to have to take my word for it – it wasn’t that bad - really!) I have edited far worse translations myself, without feeling compelled to attach any comments, and certainly not launch a personal, offensive attack. In fact, when I am paid to edit, this is what I think I should do – correct other people’s mistakes – and not spew patronizing insults about someone I know nothing about. The only thing that would make me say something to the project manager would be if the translation was incomplete, or made absolutely no sense at all. (Unfortunately, this has happened.) But then I would state this simple fact, show some examples, and leave the rest to the project manager. I would certainly not generalize or try to defame the translator. One mistake I had made in the text was followed by the comment, “This is unacceptable!” I mean, really, what kind of person does that?

I was hurt, put down, and professionally discouraged. I’m thinking that maybe I’m not skilled enough for this job.

And then the taxi driver called me a whore when I wouldn’t pay him an extra $5 for the taxi ride home from the store. The official rate set by the City of Beirut is 10,000 Lebanese pounds, which is about $7.50. Usually taxi drivers will still try to get more though - at least from me, a foreigner. This taxi driver was no different, and asked for $10 initially. I followed protocol and negotiated the fare before getting into the taxi. After just one exchange, the taxi driver agreed to 10,000, and we took off. Then during the five minute trip, he said that he wanted $10 after all. Since I’m “so wealthy,” and since he took the wrong turn in the beginning and had to drive further than he should have, and I really should pay more. When we got home I handed him a 10,000 pound bill as originally agreed. He threw the money on the ground, and continued to call me names – at least I think so, although my Arabic class has yet to cover the section “Insults by taxi drivers,” so I might be wrong.

Oh, and school didn’t go so well today either. The boys are tired and in need of a break. I feel however that we really need to push through these next couple of days until Easter so that we don’t fall behind. This makes me feel stressed, tense, and the boys frustrated.

So there; I’m no good at my job, I’m a rich and selfish whore who is not welcome in this country I live in, and I’m a stressed, bad homeschooling mom.

Well. Thank you, dear reader, for watching me roll around in my own self-pity for a while. You can go do something more pleasant now, while I get up and brush off my clothes, wipe my tears and take a deep breath. I promise tomorrow will be better.

Things tend to pile up, don't they?

Birthday parties, drinks with colleagues, dinners, school projects, accidents, work... A lot of things prevented me from doing a lot of things this past week, among them writing my Friday Daybook. I apologize and will make it up to you, I promise.

Friday-ish Daybook (more like Saturday I have to admit), March, 2012

Outside my window…

Beirut is sunny again, with a very blue sky, a large happy sun, a blue and turquoise sea, and campus is light green, with lots of flowers in the colors of the spring. I can open our balcony doors and windows, and let the fresh, crisp, but still warm spring air into my house. My plants are starting to grow, and the orange trees outside my window make everything smell so sweet. Nature is smiling at me, and I smile back.

I am wearing…

My Eddie Bauer jeans, which have been too snug forever. Now they’re too loose around my butt and they slide down. I guess I missed my window here, somehow.

I am creating…

All the light and fresh air in the house is making me want to create a happy space around us in the house. We spend so much time here studying, working and being together, I feel it’s important that our space is neat and bright. I was thinking about spring cleaning our book shelves. They’re a total disaster. Overflowing with books that are badly stacked, and a dump station for everything and nothing. I even had this crazy idea of painting the inside of the shelves. Courtney would probably kill me if I even mentioned that though, so I won’t let me imagination take over. A thorough organization will probably make it look nice too.

Towards an education…

After my intense working session last week, I am back, helping the boys advance. I spent three solid one-on-one hours with William today, helping him with his spelling and grammar. Both Courtney and I agree that he is slightly dyslexic. Courtney was too when he was young. I’m not too worried. We’re right here, working with him every day, and I can see improvements. August has no trouble with anything, except motivation. He’ll always just do the very minimum. Is it his age? Although I guess he has been quite excited about his piano lessons and a few other projects he has going. This is one of the advantages of homeschooling I guess; there's a lot of room for extracurricular activities when the school work seems less exciting from time to time.

From the kitchen…

I’ve cleaned the kitchen twice, but it still smells like fried fish from last night. We got a couple of bags of those colorful tropical fish that they sell in the frozen section for almost nothing, and fried them up in oil, restaurant style. They were good, but the fishy oil coats everything. I guess I need to bake bread or Swedish cinnamon rolls or something to restore a more pleasant scent in our house.

I am looking forward to…

Nothing in particular. I am enjoying this weekend, every moment of it. Tea and my Kindle. Leafing through a cookbook to find inspiration for dinner. Running the washer, and looking at a beautifully made bed, with all the clothes put away. Watering the plants on the balcony. Pushing Abe on the swing. Discussing ideas, texts, events and plans with Courtney. Running around the track without having to rush home. I am seizing the day.

When I have a moment…

I will get to that bookshelf. But first let me enjoy a lazy day!