Day 3: Backlash

I’m not sure how, but I kept going like this - walking back and forth to the NICU to nurse our baby - for about 24 hours. When I returned to my room in the early morning on the third day however, my incision was bleeding profusely, and I collapsed on my bed. My doctor told me I should stay in bed, but at the same time, he understood what I was doing, and knew that as long as our baby was in the NICU, I couldn't focus on my own recovery. I begged him to interfere, somehow, so that I didn’t have to walk across the hospital to nurse a perfectly healthy baby any more, but we both knew that sadly he couldn't do much.

I was in horrible pain too - to go over to the NICU I had to remove my IV, which meant I was just taking paracetamol in tablet form against the pain – not very effective when you've just had your stomach split open. 

My husband was supposed to teach this day, but I called him and told him I needed him. He came, and worked hard on discussing with every resident he could find, and argued with the attending. I don’t know why this particular expired professor was so adamant about keeping our baby in the NICU, but sadly we had to suspect that it was a matter of proving himself right in front of his students (we overheard him teaching on several occasions, and it was obvious he was no longer up to date or even remembered basic facts). Here’s an actual conversation that took place during one of the discussions:

Attending: “We need to keep him here because he has lost a lot of weight.”

My husband: “Um, he weighed 3100 grams at birth and now he weighs a little over 2900 grams, which means he has lost 200 grams.

Attending, with a serious and concerned voice: “Yes, that’s right. He has lost 200 grams.”

My husband: “That’s about 5% of his birth weight.”

Attending: “Yes, 5% - he has lost FIVE PERCENT.”

My husband: “Normal weight loss after birth is 10-15%.”

Attending: “Yes, that’s correct; 10-15% is normal.”

…OK…? 

Then, when there were no more medical arguments left, the doctor claimed that it was impossible to transfer a baby from the NICU to the nursery. There were no protocols for this kind of action. All they could do was to discharge the baby. But I was not in a state to be discharged. Things took a twisted turn that ended with the chief, who was abroad, being contacted to OK the transfer. 

In the end, towards early afternoon, I couldn’t hold back the tears any more, but cried desperately in my bed, too exhausted to go back. “Just get my baby here,” I sobbed to Courtney, and he went over, more determined than ever. I’m not sure what else went down here exactly, but within an hour, I had our little baby in my room.

Attachment Parenting is for lazy parents

Although we never sat down and marked off techniques on a sheet of paper, our natural parenting instincts often overlap with the much loved and hated Attachment Parenting approach. To be honest, our motivation is not just driven by research showing that breastfeeding is good for baby, but there’s also a fair amount of convenience involved. I just can’t imagine myself getting up several times at night, sit in a rocking chair nursing my baby, put him back down in a crib and then go back to sleep in a different room. I’m more of a reach over in bed, nurse baby half asleep and then doze off again kind of person. I don’t think I could sleep properly if I couldn’t hear my baby breath. I breastfeed because really, it’s the easiest way to feed baby anywhere anytime. And it’s cheap! When they’re older it’s still the quickest way to put them to sleep, and really, would I want to struggle with weaning and all that it entails (engorgement, upset child, sleepless nights, etc.) when it can just happen by itself eventually? Ha, ha, ha. I wear my baby because it’s the most convenient way to transport him and keep him happy, and I just don’t like hearing a baby cry, so I respond immediately if I hear it and do whatever needed to make it stop.

Yes, you’re right. Maybe ours is more appropriately called the Lazy Parenting method, actually.

Anyways. How has all this worked out for us? We have three healthy, independent boys that never really cried at all, weaned themselves without any drama involved, go to sleep by themselves and sleep in their own beds all night without ever coming back into ours. The biggest challenge I’ve had is resisting the urge to pick them up and bring them back into my bed when I go to sleep. Happy kids, happy parents.

Of course we never tried anything else. Maybe there are easier systems, more efficient, or short cuts to a secure, happy, independent child. And all children and families are different of course, so maybe all this doesn’t always work. I’m glad it has for us though, since we’re …you know, lazy parents.

My ten-year-old was finally subjected to the cover of TIME magazine

August looks at a picture of the controversial cover of TIME magazine. We have not yet discussed this picture or the debate that surrounds it. He looks a bit shocked and says,

“Mama, that’s a little weird.”

I freeze, and wonder; after all these years of our family practicing extended breast feeding, baby wearing and co-sleeping, has my oldest son - who himself resisted weaning so late I’m embarrassed to admit how old he was - fallen for society’s ignorant misconceptions about breastfeeding?

“How is it weird, August?”

“The boy is STANDING up… AND he’s wearing shoes! Nobody nurses standing up like that. And are those ARMY pants?”

Ah. I should have seen that one coming. Of course. I told him that some people think it’s weird for a child to nurse past the age of one. He didn’t seem very shocked about this, which makes me think that he must have heard some discussion about this somewhere. He suggested that weaning is like potty training, something you do when the child is ready, and added,

“Why do other people think they can decide when a baby should stop having num-num? And in a magazine?! Now that is weird.”

Yeah... Goodness. Such natural ideas, or...?. Either I raised a freak, or August just called TIME magazine on their annoying attempt to to scandalize nature attract readers.

Then followed a discussion about why I'm so opposed to the boys wearing army clothes. Sigh. I'm just not mom enough for that.